There are times in your life that are trying. And I am really not here, right now to tell you how to make it through them.
I have stopped that habit of mine (for the moment at least) of giving people advice. I have realised how oppressive, 'my wisdom' can be.
Because, yes, I am silently judging you when you make those bad decisions after you have told me, repeatedly, how bad your life is.
Here are some examples of how I am judging:
Sleeping with you ex boyfriend who left you when you were pregnant?
Judging you.
Sleeping with your ex husband who refuses to pay child support
Judging you.
Always expect people to visit you and you won't reciprocate
Judging you.
Complaining about your weight, and saying' I want to be able to eat anything?'
I'm not just judging you, I am thinking, 'When could anybody eat whatever they wanted?'
Jumping headfirst into every single relationship?
The first few years I thought it was slim pickings in that town anyway, but Now, I am judging you.
Dancing on tables in red high heels on your friend's hen night.
I am so judging you.
So yes, I have to stop the giving advice and judging people with my oppressive wisdom. Everyone learns in their own time.
Honestly, I am only half as critical with others as I am with myself.
I have been doing this automatically to myself, so it has been easy to continue that behaviour with everyone else.
Also this has kept me in good stead as I traversed adulthood.
It meant that generally, I kept myself away from broken people, or allowing more broken people into my circle. I had already inherited many broken people by birth.
Some people inherit money, businesses, a house or just family that care for them. Not so for many of us- some of us inherit mentally and social broken or ill families.
To get out, is the fight of your life.
The aim, if you realise young enough, is to get out and make yourself whole, so there is still time to have a healthy life.
It means leaving the bad, and the surprise of missing it, and then going back and being disappointed and moving on.
It means being outside, watching other people carry on with their normal lives.
It's emotional exile
then slowly reconstructing yourself.
It is a process which takes many years, an odyssey.
One seed of positive thought kept me going:
Imagine the life you want.
I wanted happiness, with a few made-to- measure trimmings.
I have it, made- to- measure trimmings and all.
Now, after I have won the fight for my life, I am wondering, what next?
I am trying to figure that out.
